Doing What Makes You Happy - Amy Lawrence

Doing What Makes You Happy

We’ve met them. At times, we’ve been them - the people who have no one’s interests in mind but their own. When we meet these people or become these people, we enter a competition that takes no prisoners and leaves no survivors - because this emotion requires winning the fight with everyone around us to keep it. It is the kind that disregards any voice that says we can’t have it. Measures are taken to hold on to it that seem moral at first…but over time become more and more nefarious. If continued, it leads to degradation of morals as well as conscience. The battle with the mind is the hardest. We gradually deceive ourselves into thinking that God wants us to have whatever we want. The fact that every means we use to get what we want is in contrast to God’s will either has a small voice or no voice at all in our head. The name of this demon is selfishness, and it is the main ingredient in the world’s recipe to happiness. The majority of humans do not understand true happiness and go about looking for it in all the wrong places, James 4:1-3.

There is selfishness in us all. It is a natural vice. When Paul wrote to the Romans, he talked in his letter of a battle that was constantly being waged within him. The battle was between two minds: the fleshly mind, and the spiritual mind, Rom. 7:24-25. These two minds exist in each of us and are constantly at odds with one another. The illustration often used is that of two wolves. The one that wins is the one we feed. It is common knowledge that most feed the evil wolf. These argue that it’s “right” simply because it is the wolf that is winning.

But is it winning?

Before we get into the details of this study, let’s make sure we understand some important fundamentals:

Is it wrong to want to be happy? Absolutely not. As a matter of fact, that is the goal of Christians - eternal happiness, John 14:1-3, Titus 1:1-2. 

Is it wrong to want happiness at any expense? Today’s mantra, “Do What Makes You Happy”, promotes an egocentric ideology. We live in an age (and it’s not “new”, just repeated, Ecc. 1:9) where self-centeredness is promoted, even rewarded. What most do not know and generally fail to realize over time is that happiness directly depends on the choices made and the expenses paid to get it. 

Selfless people find happiness in enriching the lives of others. These lives are made better because they not only have gratitude in being the recipient of selflessness but are encouraged to also be selfless in return. The expense was self-sacrifice in order to help someone else, which, in turn, enriched gratitude and built healthy, worthwhile relationships - a doubled reward.

Relationships with selfless persons are rewarding to both parties that equally give and receive.

There is trust in such relationships; a trust that can withstand the harshest of circumstances.

Selfish are the type that instead use people as stepping stones to gain their own happiness. They sacrifice anyone but themselves - making defense, selfishness, and hatred the resulting fruits in both parties. Sadly, they rarely if ever find that happiness for which they’ve injured so many. They’ve not only lost the lessons self-sacrifice has to teach, but they’ve also lost the strong relationships that are built by selflessness. That’s double the loss. It often becomes an addiction as well. It’s a hungry monster that, no matter how much you feed it, will always want more. What are relationships like with people like this? Troubled at best, nuclear at worst.

Now that we’ve established the two categories, let’s see if they both actually equal “happiness”. Let’s look at some basic information of each category.

Selflessness:

-Studies have shown that higher levels of benevolence are associated with lower levels of stress and depression. Benevolence is also positively correlated with self-compassion.

-There is scientific evidence that suggests that helping others promotes positive psychological changes in the brain linked with self-esteem. 

-Selflessness cultivates gratitude. Gratitude promotes: 1.) new neural connections to the bliss center of the brain, 2.) production of dopamine and serotonin, the neurotransmitters responsible for happiness, and 3.) reduces fear and anxiety by regulating stress hormones.

-Selfless people are statistically happier people. In an article published by the National Institute of Health in May of 2017, this happiness is actually described as an “authentic, durable happiness” (‘Self-Centeredness and Selflessness: Happiness Correlates and Mediating Psychological Processes’, Michael Dambrun).

Selfishness:

-According to research, selfishness can have a range of personal negative effects which include relationship dissatisfaction, increased social isolation, higher levels of stress and lower selfesteem, and overall degradation of social cohesion. 

-Selfishness, on a larger scale, negatively affects social and economic structure as well as both the mental and physical health of a community.

-Selfish people are statistically unhappy. A study performed by PsychTests.com in April of 2022 revealed that self-serving, egocentric people are statistically miserable. Their view of people/life is cynical and therefore have underdeveloped social skills, difficulty managing their emotions, and a low self-esteem. They are more likely to believe that:

-The end justifies the means

-Help should only be given if it benefits themselves

-Showing weakness is bad

-The only way to get ahead is to step on people

-No one can be trusted because, given the chance, anyone will back-stab

Such beliefs cultivate pessimism, stress, anxiety, and depression. 

It’s safe to say that selflessness is good for your health, selfishness bad. (As a disclaimer, taking care of yourself is not selfishness. Setting boundaries and asking others to respect those boundaries is not only healthy, but paramount when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Taking a day off to heal or rest is not selfish. It’s a necessary element in selfless relationships - not just helping, but allowing oneself to be helped. Overindulgence in these behaviors, however, opens doors for one to become more self-serving than they should be.) It isn’t often that one is able to self-diagnose personal emotional health problems. Rarely does anyone check their own spiritual blood-pressure. What’s harder is convincing a selfish person that they are truly selfish and persuading them it’s time to change. As I said, selfishness is an addiction. If anyone can change the egotist, though, God can. His Word is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart, Heb. 4:12. None of us can hide our true selves from God, Prov. 15:3, but God is forgiving, longsuffering, and faithful, Psalm 103:1-5, 2 Pet. 3:9, 1 Cor. 10:13. If you are a person in need of change, or if you are a person seeking to continue on the path God has set out for us all, let’s study about that authentic, durable happiness that is found in scripture. We must begin at defining “happiness” from a scriptural perspective. 

When we think of “happy”, how do we define it? Is it a fleeting, temporary emotion, or is it a deeper, perpetual part of our being? The Miriam-Webster dictionary defines happiness as, “a state of well-being and contentment; a pleasurable or satisfying experience; felicity, aptness; good fortune, prosperity.” “Happy” is a blanket statement that the English language uses to cover a range of emotions, so let’s focus on a particular. The true happiness most seek is the contentment that cannot be taken away by circumstance. If you study this idea in scripture, the word used to describe this state of mind is “blessed”. In Hebrew, it is אָשַׁרַ (ashar), in Greek it is μακάριος (makarios, a prolonged form of the poetical μάκαρ, makar). It is difficult for anyone that has experienced the suffering of this life to fathom a joy that is unmitigated by circumstance. Paul spoke of such a joy, Phil. 4:10-13, and assured that it is certainly attainable, Phil. 4:4-7. Let’s look at this “blessedness” from God’s perspective: scripture.

The general idea of happiness is the absence of suffering…but tribulation is actually an ingredient in the recipe of happiness. It can be an excellent teacher. James wrote, “Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.” (James 1:2-3). The word “joy” here is the Greek word for cheerfulness. Cheer? In suffering? Yes; not cheer in the suffering itself, but cheer in the result of suffering. Cheer is found in hope. A happy mind focuses on hope, even in tribulation. No one exercises because they love to exercise. Doing a daily workout is tiring and painful! It’s the end result of that suffering that we both look forward to and dedicate ourselves to achieving. Trials and tribulations are inevitable. No matter what one has/is/does, suffering cannot be avoided in the physical sense. It is innately ingrained into being alive. What matters is how we handle it and what we learn from it, 1 Pet. 2:18-25. If we suffer for doing evil or handle suffering with evil, it ends in worse suffering that is void of hope. Suffering for righteousness ends in rest, Heb. 3:1-4:10, 1 Pet. 3:14, and in this hope resides the joy of the righteous, 1 Pet. 4:12-19.

The well-known “Beatitudes” found in Matthew 5 also give insight as to what it means to be happy in the Christian sense. The word “blessed” in this context is the same Greek word (μακάριος, makarios) I mentioned earlier. One may not realize that the requirements for this happiness are often seen as menial or suffering; the poor in spirit, those that mourn, the meek, those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, the merciful, the pure in heart, the peacemakers, and the persecuted. God is famous for using what we would deem “foolish” to bring about His will, 1 Cor. 1:18-25. Anyone that doesn’t understand Christianity might ask, “Why?”, to which I would answer, “The result extremely outweighs the cost.” If every soul knew what the cost of sin is, evil would not have such a hold as it does. No one wants to pay for anything with their life. That, however, is the cost of sin, Rom. 6:23. Living and dedicating one’s life to Christ is a small price to pay for genuine peace and happiness now - and rest in the end, Rom. 12:1-2, Mt. 11:28-30. One must also consider the rewards found in the Beatitudes; the kingdom of Heaven, comfort, inheritance, fulfillment, mercy, knowing and being with God, and receiving our Heavenly reward in the end. There is no greater comfort for the human mind, no greater happiness, than to know that this is what awaits us on the other side of death after living righteously in the sight of God, 1 Thess. 4:13-18. 

It is proven both secularly and scripturally that the key to happiness is selflessness. The most obvious example of this concept is Jesus of Nazareth, the Christ. He contrasted the selfish and the selfless in John 10:10 when He said, “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” That word “abundant” denotes a life that is superior - a better life. Paul’s letter to the Philippians gives us the recipe on how this is achieved. He wrote, “Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” (Phil. 2:1-4) He goes on to give the example of Christ’s submission to God and His sacrifice through obedience to God, Phil. 2:5-11, FOR US. At the end of this road is gladness and rejoicing, Phil. 2:16-18. The ultimate self-sacrifice of another life for your own should be a compelling reason to be selfless in return. This is what Jesus asks of us, Mt. 25:37-46, and in this, we find the recipe of true, deep-seated, unperturbed joy that cannot be shaken.

Contrast this with selfishness. 1 Jn. 2:15-17 lists the three categories of sin. All are rooted in selfishness. All three categories were used by Satan to tempt Jesus in the wilderness, Mt. 4:1-11. The Devil uses these same tactics on us, 2 Cor. 2:11. He is headed to Hell, and he selfishly wants company, Rev. 20:10. There is only one way to avoid this fate. Do what makes GOD happy, James 1:21-25, and be rewarded with that genuine, durable happiness that cannot be taken away, Ps. 1:1-3, Heb. 10:36; 12:27-28.

If you are in search of a peace of mind that cannot be taken away, a contentment that exists within any circumstance, this happiness can be found in studying and following God’s Word. The more you mold your life according to scripture, the deeper your relationship with and your trust in God will grow. God is the root of happiness, Phil. 4:4-7. I hope this study was helpful in your journey toward it.