"A Study on Character Based Appearance" - Amy Lawrence
Modesty
A Study on Character-Based Appearance
There are so many methods that we use to communicate. Did you know that only 7% of human conversation uses words? 37% is in our tone of voice, but 55% of our communication is in our body language. That’s more than half ! How we sit or stand, how we use our hands or the expressions upon our faces - these all communicate to others, right down to even the clothes we wear. What many do not know is that there are outward behaviors that indicate inward ideals - and they show, whether we want them to or not.
Why is it important to understand how we communicate ourselves to others? Imagine with me a woman getting ready for an interview for a job. The interview is at 8:00am. She will be trying out for the position of sous chef at the finest restaurant in New Orleans. At 8:03am, into the restaurant walks a woman dressed in rags; filthy jeans with holes in the knees, a shirt 2 times too big with dirt stains in the shape of hands on the front, shoes that are caked in mud, and grime under every fingernail. Her hair is matted, covered in flecks of mud and debris, and she is nonchalantly chewing on the end of a straw. Everyone in the restaurant takes their turn staring at her as she saunters toward the kitchen. She passes the kitchen staff as she moves toward the head chef ’s office, sending a sideways grin and wink to every face she sees. She stops when she reaches the head chef, plucks the straw from her teeth, and announces that she is here to apply for the job of sous chef. The head chef waits for an explanation for what he sees. When he doesn’t receive one, he requests one. The woman gives him a nonplussed expression and shrugs her shoulders.
The head chef then turns somber, demanding in a heavy French accent that she leave immediately. She goes, but not before she bellows how much they are ignoring her talents simply because of her appearance and they are going to regret not hiring her. Now…why would this
scenario invoke such a reaction from each individual? And what does this have to do with modesty? It all begins and ends with respect.
When you study the Bible, you’ll see that there is a thread that stretches from Genesis to Revelation: respect God. (It is frequently worded as “fear of the LORD”. Ps. 34:11-16 instructs us in how to learn this respect.) One cannot be a successful child of God without respect for the sovereignty and authority that belongs only to God, Is. 40:21-31. Job uses “fear of the LORD” and “wisdom” synonymously in Job 28:12-28. One that has a healthy relationship of love and respect for God will obey His commandments, Jn. 14:21, and this falls within the definition of wisdom, Ps. 111:10. One of these commandments is that we love one another, Jn. 15:12. This love has to be the same love that Jesus gave us, vs. 13. It is a sacrificial love, Rom. 15:1-3, Phil. 2:3-4. In our love and respect toward one another, there will be times that sacrifice will be asked of us in order to maintain that love and respect. This is where our Christ-like behavior comes into play. Even though He was equal to God, Christ subjected Himself to God for the purpose of saving us to the point of being the sacrifice for us, Phil. 2:5-8. When we learn to have respect for God, this in turn teaches us to have respect for each other as His children.
Respect for fellow humans is incredibly important in any societal structure. The more a generation migrates toward a disregard for respecting one another, the more that society begins to degrade and destroy itself. I gave the scenario earlier to show two perspectives of the same situation. One side respected the other, one side did not. Can you figure out which was which? The head chef was on time to the interview, dressed in the proper attire and ready to begin work. In his respect for both those he works with and anyone interviewing for the position, he made it clear with his clothing and punctuality that he respected both them and the responsibility he’d been given to find a suitable sous chef. He portrayed this message in his appearance and his behavior, as did every other worker in the kitchen. We as Christians are commanded to be in subject to one another, 1 Pet. 5:5. We should have the checks and balances necessary in our relationships with fellow Christians to keep us on the straight and narrow path…but this only works when we respect one another. This means we put forth the effort to see and meet the needs of one another - things that we should both give and get - in love, Eph. 4:11-15. This is how we grow, vs. 13. Now, let’s tie this into modesty.
Modesty is defined as 1.) behavior, manner, or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency, 2.) the quality or state of being unassuming or moderate in the estimation of one’s abilities, and 3.) moderate, limited, or small in amount, rate, or level.
There are unspoken rules that are understood by those within any community that determine whether something is proper or improper, decent or indecent. To illustrate, it would be improper for an employee of Sea World to show up for work carrying a fishing pole. It would be indecent for a man or woman to walk into Walmart without their pants. It is proper for anyone to clean up a mess they’ve made, it is decent to respect anyone’s personal space. Humility is also defined as an aspect of modesty, and so it goes without saying that a person that is immodest is also a person that lacks humility (either simply in that moment or as a regular habit). Let’s apply this to our scenario. The woman showed her disrespect for everyone in the restaurant by not being properly prepared for the interview and not offering an explanation as to why she wasn’t. It is sensible to assume that no one would want this woman to serve food that she had cooked, risking ingesting whatever was under her fingernails. Upon seeing her, is it likely the patrons felt that not only would they not be returning, but they would advise others not to visit the restaurant. Based on this woman’s appearance, the quality of the head chef ’s work would fall into question by the patrons if he had hired her. These are all basic proprieties that should be considered by everyone in a community. Our appearance and behavior do not just affect us alone. They affect everyone around us. Humility is required for anyone that is part of a community to understand that they are a part of the whole. The head chef and kitchen staff work as a team, and in seeking a sous chef, they were looking for someone who was both able and willing to commit to teamwork. Any good chef knows that it doesn’t matter how great he is if he has no kitchen staff to help him. The kitchen staff knows that without the head chef, there is no one to lead them and teach them. Both sides must humble themselves in order to work well together. The head chef could see the outward expression of the woman’s disdain for order, cleanliness, punctuality, and humility - all of which are required to function within a community. She was, by definition, immodest.
Now, let’s apply this to the church, a community of Christians. First, we must realize that a standard has already been established; God is the One that decides what is morally proper/ decent and what is not, because the church belongs to Him, Acts 20:28. He makes the rules, 1 Cor. 14:37. It is also important to understand that the church does not stop being the church
outside of the church building. We are the church every day, every where. We must also remember why we are the church. We’re ambassadors for Christ! (2 Cor. 5:20) Don’t forget what we signed up for when we became Christians: to be like Christ, to teach others of Christ, and to bring as many souls to Christ as we can. To do this, we have to wear the same virtues Christ wore
- humility, unselfishness, and holiness - in order to fulfill the task given to us, 1 Pet. 1:16-17. How we appear, approach, and associate with others will tell others who and what we are. When that standard remains at the forefront of every decision we make, our appearance and behavior match accordingly. A life focused on God shines with the image of Christ. We shouldn’t want the attention to be on us, but on Him.
Desire for the attention that belongs to Christ is a characteristic of Satan, Mt. 4:1-11.
Unfortunately, I’ve seen some Christians wearing an image that looks nothing like Christ. When we take our eyes off of Christ and the church, a desire to look more like the world grows stronger. Then the fight for rights instead of righteousness begins. I feel I should be specific in this area concerning the goal of Christians. We should want the attention to be on God. Those that argue that they should be allowed to wear, say, do whatever they want have forgotten what they signed up for when they were baptized. They want the same attention Satan wants, 1 Jn. 2:16. We as Christians must be careful lest pride causes us to fall into the same condemnation as that old serpent, 1 Tim. 3:16.
Let’s go through some things that fall under the description of “immodest”.
Clothing. This is the most commonly addressed immodesty; clothing one chooses to wear that prevents others from seeing God in the person wearing them. Although this isn’t limited to women, more frequently are women the source of such immodesty. Anything from inappropriate bathing suits to short skirts and low-cut neck lines, women like to show off skin - skin that only a husband should see. Many a tale has been told of men conducting the worship service struggling to focus because one or more females are immodestly dressed. Do these females realize what they’re doing? Worshipping God, following God every day, requires focus. They’re taking attention that belongs to God and making it their own. This doesn’t just happen during a worship service, either. Taking another Christian’s focus away from God, no matter where you are and no matter your intent, is immodest. It is not limited to just worship service. Some even have the audacity to suggest that it’s the man’s responsibility to keep himself in check. There is
nothing more selfish than having no compassion for the struggles of others. Such disrespect for another’s spiritual health is in itself sinful, 1 Cor. 8:12. By fighting for rights instead of righteousness, the seed of disunity is sown…and Satan is always thrilled to see discord among brethren.
Men can wear clothing that distracts from God as well. Once I remember a man serving at the Lord’s table wearing jeans with holes, a t-shirt, and flip-flops. Knowing that he owned better clothes (because I’d seen him wear better), there were multiple distractions. It was a struggle to keep my mind where it needed to be - an unnecessary struggle. The man had been inconsiderate of his fellow Christians. Yes, it could have been a situation of extenuating circumstances, but he still had the option of seeking out a properly dressed man to take his place. It wasn't done maliciously. He didn’t get dressed that morning thinking to himself, “I’m going to throw off as many trains of thought as I possibly can today.” Sins can be committed in ignorance, Heb. 9:7. Once we learn it is a sin, acknowledging it as such and trying our best to do better in the future is a mark of repentance, Lk. 15:7, 2 Cor. 7:9. We must try our best to keep others focused on God.
Character. First, let me make one thing clear: none of us are sinless, Rom. 3:10. We are all works in progress. Some simply refuse to progress in the pathways of God. Jesus said, “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” (Lk. 6:45) Our clothes are not our only method of communicating who we are. If you pay attention long enough, a person will tell you who they are with their words and their behavior.
Habits are difficult if not impossible to hide. Does this mean we have to be perfect? None of us can be. We all have bad habits we wish we could shed. The difference between a modest and an immodest human is the effort one puts into shedding bad habits and into having and maintaining a character that denotes a respect for God and fellow humans. A person that has a strong respect for God is also one that has respect for others. When disrespect for others is shown, it’s a good chance they also have little to no respect for God. We are all deserving of death, and the only thing keeping us from that death is a life in Christ, Rom. 6:23. With this knowledge, it is therefore the natural desire to do what is pleasing to God. This desire is at the forefront of a reasonable mind and manifests itself in action. God alone has the answers to all the questions we would ask in seeking to be in Christ. To learn, we must submit, James 4:7-10. Submission requires humility. Love and obedience are the natural children of humility, Phil. 2:8. Righteousness, not perfection,
is God’s expectation, and Matthew had something to say about this: “Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled.” (Mt. 5:6).
Don’t be one that makes the mistake of thinking you can never change. An immodest person can become modest just as a modest person can become immodest. Both depend on the choices we make, Ezek. 33:10-16.
Company. “Do not be deceived. Evil company corrupts good morals.” 1 Cor. 15:33. I mentioned before about the opinion the head chef might garner had he hired the woman. Some might argue that ‘Jesus ate with publicans and sinners and so it shouldn’t matter what kind of people we let in to our circle. We shouldn’t be judged by that.’ Yes, He ate with them. He didn’t sin with them. He didn’t allow “fitting in” to direct His choices. He also had 12 apostles with Him. Thirteen are much more difficult to sway than one. When you have thirteen friends using modest behavior and wearing modest clothing, it’s a lot easier to make the decision to be modest in an immodest world. Our human nature craves to fit in, even when our more sensible spiritual mind tells us that fitting into a sinful crowd is contrary to the will of God. Anyone reading this article has experienced temptation and the pull that it has on our carnal desires. The head chef would also have been concerned with his kitchen staff. If the woman began to persuade any of his staff to stop caring about punctuality or cleanliness, the order they depended upon to continue to run a restaurant would have been compromised. In pursuing modesty, we should take care who we let into our circle.
One of the benefits of the church that is often overlooked is having brothers and sisters that love us telling us when we are getting too close to the fire, Jude 23. Every one of us needs eyes other than our own to see us so that we have the ability to see ourselves from a perspective other than just our own. It’s hard to see the big picture when you’re not the one behind the camera. We as Christians need to be open to receiving constructive criticism. The Hebrew writer describes elders as those that “watch out for your souls”, Heb. 13:17, as should every Christian toward one another, Heb. 13:1. To do this, we must be subject to one another, trust each other, and allow ourselves to be molded into Christ with one another, Gal. 6:1-10.
We will never influence the world by trying to be just like it. Be like Christ - in all things.