Parenthood - Amy Lawrence
Parenthood
A Study on Walking Through the Hood with God
I asked my teenage daughter about what I should write for this article. She said, “Write about raising teenagers in Christ.” So I did.
My child is now 15 years old. She is a sophomore in the public school system, she owns an iPhone, and she has her driver’s permit. We are at a stage in her life when she is learning a great deal more about personal responsibility than usual. I cannot put sufficient words to how proud I am of the strong, intelligent, kind young Christian she has become. I’d like to think that my husband and I had our part in it, but in truth it was all brought about by God and His wisdom, James 1:17. God’s word tells us to “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it,” Prov. 22:6. Let’s begin a study on how to do this.
The instructions on how to raise Godly children are found only in God’s word… so the first question that comes to mind is: do we want to raise Godly children? I hope emphatically that your answer is “yes”. If so, then one must study and come to a knowledge of God’s word. Heartbreaking, though, is the number of parents that have failed their children in neglecting to learn and teach them the Truth. There is no greater gift I can give my child than knowledge of God and His will for mankind, and there is no greater destination I could wish for my child than Heaven. The instructions God has given us are not given as a list of tenets, though. We have been given examples (of good choices AND bad choices), commands, and promises in scripture, all of which - when studied properly - can lead the student to a wisdom only God’s word can bestow, Job 12:13, Ps. 111:10, 2 Tim. 3:15-17. I’ve organized my study into 3 categories:
1.)The Parents
2.)The Peerage
3.)The Pedigree
The Parents
The first step to raising Godly children is to be unselfish Godly parents. (The chances for that child are better with both parents being Godly, but I know, in this world, that is not always the case. One, however, is better than none.) We have to be foremost unselfish. ALL good parenting has to be unselfish. Their education starts with us, and so we must put them before ourselves. Even if your Godliness didn’t begin in your childhood or even into adulthood, we as adult human beings are a fluid concept. We can change our behavior. We can become what we want to teach our children to become. If you’re not an unselfish Godly parent, become one for both yourself and your children.
You cannot teach them what you do not know or practice. Everyone knows that you can’t get something from nothing. Children do not happen without parents. Knowledge does not happen without teaching. Habits are not learned without consistency. Don’t be a parent that underestimates the power of influence and expects Godly knowledge to just magically develop within your child. Be reasonable. If there is something you see in your child that you do not wish to see, chances are it got there because of you or because of an influence you allowed. To teach our children acceptable behavior, we must be the acceptable behavior they see on a daily basis. This is the responsibility of being a parent; our influence will either make or break our kids. I cannot stress enough how incredible it is to be a mother, because God has entrusted me with a SOUL that is not my own. He has given me the task of teaching her everything I know about Him and about Eternity. If I fail, I have robbed my daughter of an eternal life of rest. This is why I study DAILY; to build my supply of knowledge to give to my daughter and to teach her to study for herself as well, 2 Tim.
1:5; 3:14-17.
I know we can’t be perfect. Even as mature adults, we make mistakes. It is inevitable. That doesn’t mean we have to pretend we’re perfect, either. One of the most important things I feel I’ve done as a parent is admit to my child when I’ve made a mistake - and ask for forgiveness. It both taught my child how to handle failure and how to ask for and give forgiveness. This is important! It is a vital behavior that will aid in the relationship that my child has with God, with me, and with others, James 5:16. The Holy Spirit tells us that we must submit to God, James 4:7, and to one another, Eph. 5:21, 1 Pet. 5:5. Giving each other the power of accountability keeps us honest. It also builds a respect that cannot be shaken. By teaching her respect of me and my husband and us reciprocating by respecting her, she learns also how to respect God. We respect her by keeping our promises, by not being hypocritical, and by structuring our home in the only way that will help her grow in God.
Communication is also vital. If two people never learn to sit down and talk (I mean talk, not shout, and be open and honest), whether it’s you and your husband or you and your child, those two people cannot grow and better their relationship. Above all, pray. Teach your children to pray. Having direct contact with God is better than any wi-fi, and we don’t even need a password.
The value God has placed on the organization of the home is paramount to growing a child. The Holy Spirit placed the husband of the household as the authority of the wife and children, Christ as the authority of the husband, 1 Cor. 11:3. He has the responsibilities allotted to the husband, Eph. 5:25-31; 6:4, Col. 3:19, 2 Thess. 3:10, Titus 2:6-8, I have the responsibilities allotted to the wife, Eph. 5:22-24, Col. 3:15, Titus 2:3-5, and our daughter has the responsibilities allotted to children, Eph. 6:1-2. I will tell you that I am abundantly blessed in that my husband and I are both Christians and have primarily been on the same page (scripture) when it comes to establishing our household and raising our daughter. We have had minor disagreements as opinions go, but all in all we have been a team thus far in raising our child in Christ. Above all, I submit to my husband - even when I don’t agree with him. It is my prayer that Alyssa will one day have a Christian husband. She is learning how to submit while she is a child so that when she is an adult, it will not be a “new” experience. We must give her good foundational lessons as a child that will help her navigate adulthood and solve the problems that will definitely come her way as an adult. This is the best way to grow a child. A Godly home is a force to be reckoned with because it produces Godly adults. I would, however, be naive in thinking that all marriages are identical to mine. Many have only one Godly parent, many more have none. It is a sad truth - one that I’ve seen within my own relations. I’ve also seen the consequences of such marriages, the subsequent behavior produced in the children of these marriages. Rarely do children from these kinds of homes seek God on their own as adults; because God has never been at the forefront of their parents’ lives, they mimic the attitude.
It goes without saying that parenting is not an easy job. From keeping them fed and clothed to teaching them problem-solving skills and responsibility, it takes a tough person to be a parent…which makes it so unfortunate that generally any male/ female couple has the capability to give birth to another human. If only every parent were a faithful Christian, this world would be a wonderful place. Being a good parent means you have to be the parent. Not the friend, not the enemy, but the one person that holds the position in their development to instill knowledge, respect, responsibility, and, in the end, wisdom. We can’t do this if we are unwilling to punish and reward properly. There are extremes both ways. I will never advocate misuse of either. There is an abusive way to punish/reward and a right way to punish/reward. Do I always get it right? No. Like I said, I make mistakes. The goal is getting it right as much as possible. The more I get it right, the better I get at getting it right. They never tell that to parents; a good parent is one that can grow and learn, too. It all has to start and end with teaching our children the appropriate consequences to their actions. If they do well, reward. If they do wrong, punishment. It’s also Important to see that society’s opinion about raising children isn’t always on the same page as God’s opinion. Let God set the standard for reward/punishment. God’s opinion should take precedence in any Christian parent’s decision-making. He is the perfect Father, so He knows how to teach us to be the parents we should be.
The Peerage
That time-old phrase, “You are known by the company you keep” stands true for any age. It matters who we let our kids hang out with, and it matters where our kids are and what they are doing. Our home cannot be the only place our daughter learns God. No, I cannot wrap my kid in bubble wrap everywhere she goes and follow her around with a stick, beating away anyone that doesn’t meet standards. I’m keeping my promise not to be a Helicopter Mom (No matter how much I’d like to sometimes.) I have to trust that we’ve taught her well and that she is capable of making good choices. It’s not fair to punish her before she’s done something punish-worthy. She can’t learn how to handle mistakes she’s never made. When she does make a mistake, it is vitally important that her parents have the wisdom to dole out the RIGHT punishment that teaches the RIGHT lesson. As I said before, we are not perfect. There have been times when I as a parent did not do the right thing. But as my track record goes as well as my husband’s, we seem to be doing a pretty decent job. Our daughter is marvelous. (Biased? ME? Slightly.) She’s smart, funny, beautiful, modest, kind, loving, and wise beyond her years. She has a personality that others might label “weird”, but in truth is simply unique. She is not afraid to be her own person. It takes a strong young person to embrace being different. That is the potatoes to the meat of being a Christian; stepping away from the world and telling it, “I don’t want to be like you, and I don’t need what you are selling”, 1 Jn. 2:15-17. How, then, is a kid supposed to survive this when that kid’s parents can’t? Some Christian parents put so much emphasis on being popular, on fitting in with the world, on building a reputation that is acceptable by society. They want it to look like God is driving, but in truth He’s in the back seat being ignored when subjects like the Prom come up. Some parents live vicariously through their children. I’ve heard, “I want them to have the things I never had” so much it makes me cringe and say, “You forget to give them the things you DID have: a Godly education.” I cannot stress this enough. Do not let the world raise your children. It will fail them. Every. Single. Time. God never fails, Lam. 3:22-25.
The Pedigree
We have long ago stepped away from the culture that puts emphasis on what was considered a “pure bloodline”. Part of the reason Samaritans were disdained by the Jews in Biblical times was because they were “mixed blood”; offspring of the Israelites that remained in the Northern Kingdom - after the Assyrian exile - that intermarried with the foreigners that were brought into the area. They were disdained because of the command in the Law of Moses that disallowed Israelites to intermarry with nonIsraelites, Deut. 7:1-4. God’s Israel today is made up of both Jew and Gentile (as the church, Gal. 3:28), therefore the law against intermarriage in the Old Law didn’t carry over into the New Law, 1 Cor. 7. (We are physically, in truth, of “mixed blood”.) I say this as an example of what it means to carry on a lineage. Even though we cannot carry on a physical lineage, we can a spiritual lineage. I lived to see my child become a Christian. I want to see my grandchildren and my great grandchildren, if the Lord allows me to live that long, become Christians. They have a much better chance of becoming such if I do my job as a parent, Deut. 6:4-9. Never underestimate how far a good influence can go, Heb. 11:4.
I pray every day for my child and for myself, that I may be the compass that always points her to Christ. I know what the world will do to a person. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, let alone my dearest child. I have to be the parent she needs in order to give her a fighting chance against Satan. He is always recruiting, and my child is no exception. I can show her that only the Holy Spirit can give her the knowledge and the tools she needs to fight him. I can pray that she will carry that knowledge and will one day teach it to her own children. If you are a parent, God has blessed you with a blessing that is beyond compare, Ps. 127. Cherish the little ones that are under your care. It is temporary. We have but a short time to mold them and send them into the gaping maw of society. Don’t deny them the lessons they need in order to survive the battles that will certainly come their way. I hope this study as well as further study will aid you in being or becoming a good parent in the eyes of God.