HOM-7 - Godly Wives
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GODLY HOMES IN AN UNGODLY WORLD
“Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord
she shall be praised,” Proverbs 31:30.
Welcome to our study of godly homes in an ungodly world.
As we think about the godly home, each person in the home plays
such an important role in the home being what God wants it to be. For
example we noticed last time that the husband was to be the head of the
home, the spiritual leader. He sets the direction spiritually for the home.
In complement to that, today we think about the godly wife and
The Bible identifies her as such a valuable asset in the home. The
proverb writer says in Proverbs 31:10, “Who can find a virtuous wife? She
is more precious, her value is more precious than rubies.” The godly wife is
more important and more valuable than those gems could ever be to the
As we think about this godly wife and her role in the home, let's
realize first this is indeed a position of honor. It's worthy of respect,
reverence, and honor by all who are in the home. For example 1 Peter 3:7
the Bible says, “Husbands are to give honor to their wives as to the weaker
vessel.” If you honor something, what do you do with that? Well if you have
something that is really valuable, very important, or very special to you and
you want honor that you might put it on a pedestal. You might place it
where it can be seen. Keep it in a way that it'll be taken care of. The wife is
to be given honor by the husband. He is to recognize her importance. He is
to praise her for her value. She is to be rich, treated with respect by all who
are in the home. This position of honor is also seen in Proverbs 18:22. The
proverb writer says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains
favor from the Lord.” She is viewed as something from on high. She's
viewed as a gift from God reminding us all the way back to creation.
Genesis 2:18, “The Lord God saw that is not good for man to be alone.”
What did God do then? He made man a helper comparable to him. God
took a rib out of man and made woman. God brought it to him. Adam said,
“This is bone of my bones and flesh my flesh, she shall be called woman.”
The man who finds a good wife, he finds a good thing. He needs to respect
and honor her for that in each and every way.
In fact the Bible will say in Proverbs 19:14 this concerning the value
of a godly wife: “Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a
prudent wife is from the Lord.” When we think about the godly wife in that
position of honor, let's do what we can in the home to let her know how
important she is. Both husband and children alike need to recognize that
without the mother in the home it would be greatly lacking in so many
Not only is the godly wife a position of honor in the Bible, it is seen as
a position of submission to the husband. Now as we think about
submission I understand that in our day and age today many don't like that
idea and it may be because they have a misunderstanding of what
submission really is.
Please understand when we mention submission, we're not talking
about inferiority. We're not talking about the wife being of no value. We
already mentioned that she is. We're talking about the hierarchy that God
set up in the home and how the wife has the responsibility to be in
submission to her husband. Listen to Ephesians 5:22-24. The Scripture
says, “Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband
is head of the wife as also Christ is head of the church and he is the Savior
of the body therefore just as the church is subject to Christ so let the wives
be to their own husbands.”
In everything what's the model and the background for submission?
The church is in submission to Christ. He is the head. The church is the
body. We're in submission to Him. So also wives are to be in submission to
How's that a fair parallel? Here's how: Christ serves as the perfect
head. He gave Himself for the church. He looks out for the church's best
interest. Everything he did was for the saved and the church. He's not
selfish. He's not self-glorifying. He is selfless in that area. When the wife is
to be in submission to the husband, just as the church is to Christ, the
husband has to be the background for her doing that. His actions must be
selfless not self-glorifying. He's not a glorified dictator. He's not to look at
himself as a boss and boss everybody around- rather what he does is in
the best interest of everybody in the home. He's not forcing people. He's
not making people. He's being the spiritual leader he ought to be.
When those characteristics exist, it's not hard for a wife to be in
submission to someone who's in submission to God themselves.
What is this position of submission related to it and are there any
barriers to those guidelines for it?
Sure there are! Colossians 3:18 says, “Wives are to be in
submission to their husbands as is fitting in the Lord.” What does that little
phrase “as is fitting in the Lord,” mean?
Well naturally if the husband is being a godly, leader following the
Scriptures, trying to guide everybody in the right path; spiritually the wife
will naturally want to follow that. But the moment he stops following Christ,
the moment he starts doing things or requesting things or wanting things for
the family that are immoral, ungodly, unethical, and that are contrary to
Scripture- a wife can't submit to that.
For example, if a husband and wife ran a business and he being
head of that home and head of that business asked his wife to do
something unethical (whether cheat on the taxes, lie to customers-
whatever it may be) because she's in submission to the husband does that
mean she has to follow him in sin? Of course not. “As is fitting in the Lord,”
as is in compliance with the teaching of Christ, and as he is following the
teaching of God. She is absolutely bound by God to submit to him but in
things that are immoral or unethical she's not to follow his leadership- if his
leadership is not indeed following the teaching of Christ.
What else does it mean for wives to be in submission? Titus 2:5 tells
us that, “Wives are to be obedient to their own husbands.” Is there a sense
in which she has the responsibility to obey him just as Sarah did Abraham?
1 Peter 3:5-7. Titus 2:5 says, “Wives are to be obedient to their own
husbands.” In what sense? In the sense that he's a dictator? Again that's
not the idea, but rather as he is striving to lead this family in a godly
direction, as he striving to help people grow spiritually, to set guidelines for
discipline and godly guidelines for the home. He is to help people grow
spiritually. She is to submit to and be obedience in obedience to those
practical principles that he sets up. But again, this is not something that
would be hard if the man is really doing what God wants him to do. He's
already in obedience to God as a godly husband; he must live in obedience
to the will of God and as he lives in obedience to the will of God the wife is
to be obedient to her own husband.
Now what about a scenario that is a mixed marriage? A husband
who's not a Christian? And a wife who is a Christian? Are there any
guidelines or boundaries in such a situation as that? There absolutely are!
We want you to hear what Peter has to say beginning in 1 Peter 3:1.
How is a wife remained to keep that submission, strive to fulfill her role, in a
scenario where a husband may not be a Christian- or a faithful Christian?
Look to 1 Peter 3:1. “Wives likewise be submissive to your own husbands,
that even if some do not obey the word they without a word may be won by
the conduct of their wives when they observe your chaste conduct
accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward
arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel. Rather let it be
the hidden person of the heart with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and
quiet spirit which is very precious in the sight of God.”
Friend this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in
God also adorned themselves- being submissive to their own husbands, as
Sarah obeyed Abraham. Calling him ‘Lord’ whose daughters you or if you
do good in, are not afraid with any terror. What do we know about the
relationship, and maybe a marriage, where the husband is not a Christian?
The wife is still to try, as best possible, to remain in submission to him.
Don't let it be the outward that it is attractive. What is it that will really draw
this man to Christ? Her inward beauty. Her submission. Her willingness to
follow his leadership as much as she can and to be in submission to him
shows she's trying to follow the Bible- even though he may not. How is he
going to be won without a word to the Lord through her powerful example?
Wives ought to try to encourage their husbands. Wives ought to open doors
where he can learn the gospel as well. But when all else isn't working her
example, her submission, her faithfulness to the Lord and the consistency
of her faithfulness to Jesus, no matter what will reach that man's heart that
may not be reached by anything else.
What else do we know about the wife as the godly role model and
godly mother in the Scripture? She is also seen as a homemaker or keeper
of the home. Titus 2:5 mentions that “wives are to be keepers of the home.”
1 Timothy 5:14, as well as Proverbs 31:27-29 teach this idea as well. Are
we saying that in being a keeper of the home the wife can't have any kind
of work outside the home? I don't think you'll find that in Scripture. Both
Lydia in Acts 16 and the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 had some kind of
labor and venture both inside and outside of home. I don't think when we
say ‘homemaker’ or ‘keeper of the home’ that means you have to stay in
the house no matter what. That's not the idea.
Let's parallel it this way. What is the church? Is the church the
building? No. “God does not dwell in temples made with hands,” Acts 7
48-50. What's the church? The church is the people. 1 Corinthians
12:20-27 the writer says, ‘You are the body of Christ and members
individually one of another.’
So if the church is not the building, it's the people, what's the home?
The home is not the house, the dwelling per say, it does include that- but
it's not that only. We talk about the wife being keeper the home. What's her
responsibility as a homemaker? To take care of everybody in the home-
just as the church is the people. The members inside the home are her
responsibility. And so when we talk about the wife being a godly mother, a
godly wife, we're talking about somebody-listen carefully-whose first and
main priority are the members in that home. Would that include things like
keeping the home? Taking care of keeping the house? Taking care of
feeding, clothing? Sure, that'd be inclusive in that. But she's not the only
one who can do that as well. Although, that would fall under her guideline.
But more importantly than that, she supplements the family in such a way
that her first interest is to make sure that everyone in the home is provided
for in a way that only she can do. Nurturing, loving, caring, tender, and in
a providing way that is how she takes care of the home as a homemaker.
And so when we hear that word ‘homemaker’ let's realize that the family
must be first that's the priority that's being mentioned in Titus 2:5.
Let's then think about another quality of a godly wife and godly
mother. The Scripture identifies her position as a position of love. I want
you to hear what Paul will say to the young evangelist Titus as he thinks
about especially younger mothers and their relationship and role in the
home being that of love. Listen to Titus 2:4. The Bible says that “The older
women are to admonish the younger women,” listen now, “to love their
husbands, to love their children.” What kind of position is hers? It's a
position of love. Anybody will tell you no one has the ability to love like a
mother or wife. There's just something special or unique about that.
The older women are to be the example to the younger women
teaching them ‘here is your first and main priority: love your husband, love
your children.’ 1 Thessalonians 2:7 illustrates that just as a nurturing
mother loves and cares for her children and her husband, the husband and
children should come first. Other things must not be as important as them.
And so with this godly wife and godly mother there is the position of love.
She is to be the expression of and the recipient of love in her family. How
does she do that? By her many actions. Look at how she's the keeper of
the home, what she's doing for the family in providing, caring, taking care
of, making sure everybody's fed and clothed, and all the things that go
along with that. Then not just that hers is a position of in her tenderness
that only a mother a wife can give, it ought to be reciprocated back to her
just as well in her position.
Now as we think about the responsibility and role of the godly wife,
let's also realize she is to respect her husband. We've already mentioned
according to 1 Peter 3:7 that husbands are to honor and respect their
wives. The wife is also to respect her husband. Notice Ephesians 5:33 the
Scripture says, “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his
own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she reverences or respects
her husband in the hierarchy of the home.” If the wife doesn't respect the
husband, the children and the family won't respect him as well.
Now that goes both ways. If the husband doesn't respect the wife,
the children won't respect her either. We need to set the tone of respect.
We recognize we do that not because that person necessarily is inherently
valuable of that, rather we do that because that's what God says. May they
be worthy of it? Absolutely! But more importantly than that, it is a position of
respect because God says so. We respect God. We respect Jesus Christ.
We respect the breakdown of the home. God has told husbands and wives
to respect and honor one another. Listen to another passage that mentions
how wives are to respect their husbands. We mentioned it a while ago, but
notice 1 Peter 3:1-2. The Scripture says, “Wives likewise be submissive to
your own husbands that even if some do not obey the word, they without a
word may be won by the conduct of their wives when they observe your
chaste conduct accompanied by fear.”
When we think about the responsibility that a wife may, especially
when there's a husband who hasn't obeyed the gospel, what can she do let
her role be accompanied by fear and respect? As best as possible, as is
fitting in the Lord, as he's following the guidelines found in the Bible,
respect and honor him and that will have the ability as much as anything
else to soften his heart towards her- knowing that she's doing that because
of what the Scriptures and God sets in order.
Another principle that relates to both husband and wives, but we
mention it here because the proverb writer mentions this in relation to the
wife. Husbands and wives must not nag one another. I want you to listen to
these passages in the book of Proverbs that address the idea of not
badgering, not heckling if we can use that word, not nagging one another.
Listen to Proverbs 21:9. The Bible says, “Better to dwell in a corner of the
housetop than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” Again we
recognize this could go either way, but look at the extreme setting the
proverb writer sets here for us. “It's better to dwell in the corner of the
housetop,” not just on the house top, not just on the roof, but better to dwell
in the corner- the farthest position you can get away. “Than to live in the
house with a contentious wife,” again it can go both ways. The principle is
this: nobody wants to live near, be around, and enjoy the companionship of
someone who is contentious, fighting, nagging, and bickering all the time.
Those are not things you need in the home. Those things won't foster good
Now listen to another passage Proverbs 25:24 says it again. “It is
better to dwell in the corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a
contentious wife.” Notice Proverbs 12:4. “An excellent wife is the crown of
her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness to the bone.”
The one who would nag, belittle, make fun of, live her character in
contradiction to the teaching of Christ, and bring shame to the husband
that's not something we want to see among God's people or in the home as
God would set it.
And so as we think about godly character, as we think about things
that Christ sets up for the home, we want to think about real women of
godly character and what that means.
Let me give you an example from Scripture. If we were to define
women of godly character based on a few descriptions in Scripture it'd be
hard to improve upon the words of Titus 2:3-5. Here is that godly character.
“The older women likewise that they be reverent in behavior, not
slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things that they
admonish the younger women to love their husbands, love their children to
be discreet, chaste homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands.”
Why? “That the word of God may not be blasphemed.”
In a day and age where feminism has run rampant in our society,
where that the mantra and the idea is that the woman needs to be the out
of the home professional and her job needs to be first, friends we simply
need to go back to what the Bible says.
We're not saying it's wrong for a woman to have a job outside the
home, but her first priority set by God is to be the one who takes care for all
in the home. She is such a fundamental and foundational piece of that
home that just like if the husband is not the head of the home, if the wife is
not the keeper of the home, that home is on the very verge of ruin and
What do we need today to really have godly homes in an ungodly
We simply need husbands and fathers, mothers and wives who will
put their role in the family above their career, recreation, or any other
priority they may have.
In this life your main responsibility, my main responsibility, as a
husband or a wife, as a father or mother, is to help the people in my home
get to heaven. I want to make sure that I can do what I can to provide an
environment where spiritual growth, communication, love, and where Christ
is the center of that home. It should be a home where the wife and the
children can have every opportunity available to grow, prosper, and
transform themselves every day into the image of Christ.
Friend nothing greater could be done for the home than for
husbands and wives to take their responsibility seriously and to strive to be
what Christ wants them to be: godly fathers, godly mothers, godly
husbands and wives in a godly home.
Study Questions for: “Godly Homes: Lesson 7”
1. According to Proverbs 31:30, what is deceitful and passing?
2. According to Proverbs 31:30, who shall be praised?
3. How should husbands treat their wives according to 1 Peter 3:7?
4. Having a good wife obtains what kind of favor from the Lord according to
5. According to Proverbs 19:14, what is from the Lord?
6. In Ephesians 5:22-24, what is the wives submitting to the husbands
7. According to Titus 2:5, wives are to be keepers of what?
8. What are the older women teaching the younger women in Titus 2:4?
9. What is like rottenness to the bone according to Proverbs 12:4?
10. Why are the older women teaching the younger women to love their
husbands and children in Titus 2:3-5?