HOM-6 - Godly Husbands

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"Husbands, love your wives as Christ also loved the church and gave
himself for her" Ephesians 5:25.
Welcome to our study of the godly home. Today's lesson deals with
the role and responsibility of the husband who makes the godly home what
God desires for it to be. If the home is going to be what God wants it to be
the husband has the awesome responsibility in leading each individual in
that home in the spiritual direction they ought to go.
Today's lesson will deal specifically with the subject of husband.
What does God say concerning the home as it relates to the husband and
what can the husband do to be the godly leader God has designed him to
be? You see my friend, the husband is to be the spiritual leader. He is to be
the head of the home. He's the one that God has placed at the helm to
direct the home. With such a serious responsibility, what characteristics
and what mindset should he have as a leader of the home?
First, we must realize that the husband must take up the
responsibility of being the head of the home. I want you to notice what Paul
says in Ephesians 5:23. The Scripture says, "For the husband is head of
the wife as Christ also is head of the church and he is the Savior of the
body." 1 Corinthians 11:3: “The husband is head of the wife, he's head of
the home, and he is head of the wife.” 1 Timothy 3:5: “He is to rule his own
house well up.” 1 Peter 3:7: “He's to dwell with his wife with understanding.”

As head of the home, as head of the wife, as ruler of the home, what
is his responsibility?
Well, as head of the home, he ought to set the direction both
spiritually and physically for the home. The head is the one who puts things
in order; he takes direction and places that into a practical setting as it
relates to spiritual growth. He has the responsibility to set guidelines, to set
things in order that will make it a place where everybody can grow
As head of the wife, that doesn't mean that he's a dictator. It doesn't
make him a boss in that sense of it. It doesn't mean that it's a hierarchy
where he is to boss everybody around and tells them what to do. That's not
the idea.
He's to be head of the home just as Christ is head of the church.
What does it mean that Christ is head of the church? You know, from that
idea, we can understand so much more about the home. Well, Christ as
head of the church gave himself for the church. Christ as head of the
church, he indeed sets the guidelines and puts things in their proper place
for the church. It doesn't mean that he's going to force, make, or cause
someone to do something necessarily against their will. It means that he
loves the church supremely. He loves the church because she's his bride,
and he wants her interest to be first it. He loves the church in the sense that
he wants to protect, direct, and guide that church in every way. The church,
Christians, must be willing to do that of their own free will.
As we think about the husband as the head of the home, he has a
very serious responsibility. Husbands- listen carefully- sometimes the home
is not lead in the direction it ought to go, because husbands are too weak,
cowardly, and spineless to stand up and say and do what they ought to do.
Many times the wife has ended up being put in a position that she's not
designed to be put in.
Husbands need to have the backbone to set some direction, to set
things as it relates to the church, to place things in order as it relates to the
family, and the home to set times for Bible study to make opportunities for
spiritual growth to make sure that the values, morals, dress, and things of
that nature the things we listen to the things we watch. Who's going to
make those decisions? Well, God ultimately does but husbands have the

responsibility, as head of the home, to put those principles into practice.
The principles should be made applicable and relevant to each person's
life. That also includes putting discipline in place when those guidelines are
not followed by those in the home as well.
As we think about a godly husband not only is he the head of the
home the Scripture says: ‘He is to love his wife.’ Notice again Ephesians 5.
I want you to look at verse 25 and then I want you to notice verses 28 and
29. The Scripture again says ‘Husband is the head of the wife as Christ
also is head of the church, he's the Savior of the body.’ Verse number 25
along with verse 23 says ‘Husbands love your wives just as Christ also
loved the church and gave himself for her.’ Now notice verse 28 and 29 ‘So
husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves
his wife loves himself for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes
and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church.’
What do we know about the husband as a godly leader the head of
the home? He's to be a man who loves his wife and who isn't afraid to
show and to express that love to his wife. The husband is to love his wife.
How? Just as Christ loved the church. How do we know Christ loved the
church? Look at what He did. He left heaven. He came to this earth. He
gave Himself. He purchased the church with His own body. Husbands
ought to love their wives in that same way. The things they do, their words,
their actions, and the sacrifices they make ought to express their love for
their wives and for their children as well. The idea of a husband being
someone who's strong and someone who stands solid- that's all good and
well- but a husband also ought to be seen as a caring, loving, and
sacrificial individual. A man who can't express his love both by his words
and his actions is not feeling fulfilling the role that God set for the man in
the home.
Should he be able to tell his wife he loves her? Absolutely! Should his
actions show by his caring, by his work ethic, by his actions at home, the
way speaks to his wife and his children, by his desire to put the kingdom
first, and help others in the home do that -should they be able to see that
that man is a loving, caring individual? Absolutely! That's the kind of home
where spiritual growth, responsibility, and people who love God- those are
the kind of actions that foster those types of people.

When we think about a loving, godly husband the Scripture also says
that he is to be a man who understands his wife and strives every day to
know her more. I want you to think about the words of Peter in 1 Peter 3:7.
Listen to these words. The Scripture says in 1 Peter 3:7, “Husbands
likewise dwell with the wife as with understanding, giving honor to the wife
as to the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life that
your prayers may not be hindered.”
What are husbands to strive to do? To understand their wives, giving
honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and striving to understand her.
There's no doubt that we're each made by God a little differently. We're
each made to have different roles and responsibilities. Each made to
maybe even react in certain situations differently. But the husband's
responsibility is to strive to understand his wife. She's built a little different.
She's made a little more uniquely. Her thoughts, ideas, and the way she
responds may not be quite the way I would respond or another husband
would respond.
What are we to do in those situations? I'm to strive to understand her.
You know, that implies several things. It implies that it takes a little work on
my part. If I'm going to understand her, we've got to get to know each other.
We've got to communicate. If I'm going to understand her, I can't just
assume things. I can't assume this is what she's thinking. I can't assume
this is how she would like this situation to be. To understand this correctly, I
have to realize that as a child of God I've got to think about her. I've got to
put myself in her shoes as it relates to making decisions whether big or
small. I've got to ask myself: how would my wife like for me to think about
this? How would this decision make her feel? Can I understand the way
she's thinking?
You know, sometimes when fights occur in the home, we don't take
the time to really do what 1 Peter 3:7 is saying. We don't ask ourselves
how will my husband, how well my wife feel in this situation? What are they
thinking? What are the factors that are really important in situations like
these? And so as part of the responsibility of the husband instead of
jumping to conclusions, instead of getting angry and saying ‘well you
should've known,’ -No, I've got to take the time to think about it, to
understand, to put myself in the other person's shoes for a moment, and
then strive to think about how that will affect all in the home. And you know,
there's nothing wrong with before decisions are made asking the person:

How do you feel about this? How does this situation affect you? What are
you thinking related to these scenarios that affect the home? And then and
so doing, we can definitely understand one another even better.
You know as we think about the godly husband, a part of his
responsibility as well is to honor his wife. Again 1 Peter 3:7, the husband is
to give honor to the wife. He is to in essence place her on a pedestal, if you
would. He’s to realize just how important and how valuable she is. If we
really appreciate our mates- whether they be husband or wife- we're going
to do what it takes to honor them by our actions. We want to show them we
appreciate you. We want to do with our speech let them know how much
they're loved, how much their hard work in the home, and just how much
they mean to us as individuals.
You know if I have something that is really worthy of honor-whether

that be some type of treasure- you're going to keep that clean, well-
organized, and you're going to place it where it can be seen. You're going

to do what it takes to show that it really is a valuable asset in your life.
Friend, how much more husbands and wives? If we really honor one
another, let's honor one another with our speech. Let's not speak in a way
that will show disrespect that just treats one another as a common thing.
Let's honor one another with our actions whether it be the small things
whether it be that the day-to-day things that we do that help the home. Let's
realize the husband and the wife truly are -especially husbands- it's our
responsibility to show honor indeed to the wife.
Then as we think about the godly husband let's realize this: the
husband is to be the spiritual and physical provider for the family.
Especially in the physical sense, he's got the responsibility to provide for all
who are in the home. 1 Timothy 5:8-9, “If a man won't provide for his own,”
the Bible says, “he's denied the faith he's worse than an infidel.” Genesis
3:17-19 God said to Adam, “You'll provide by the sweat of your brow.” He
would have to go out and work now for his family. Christians are not to be
lazy. 2 Thessalonians 3:10-12 teaches that laziness is even something
worthy of dis-fellowship inside the Lord's church and the Lord's kingdom.
What's the husband part of the husband's responsibility? He's to be
a provider. It's his job to get up to go to work at to make a living, provide for
that family, to make sure that there is a roof over their head, that food is
provided for the family, that everyone has clothes, and the necessities of

life. Yes, we understand that if we ‘Seek first the kingdom of God,’ God's
going to provide food, shelter, and clothing- but God provides that by
teaching us to work and to make a living for ourselves and provide for the
It's so sad that sometimes you see husbands who truly are lazy.
There's nothing wrong with inside the home if a wife can be the Queen of
that home, put the home first and take care of the family, and the children
there'd be nothing wrong according to Proverbs 31 just as the virtuous wife
worked outside the home- there'd be nothing wrong with a wife doing that
today. But, it ultimately falls to the husband to be the provider in that home.
Husbands don't be lazy. Don't put it off on your wives. Don't expect them to
do that. You be the provider in that home.
Then as part of the responsibility of a godly husband, that man has
the responsibility to also be a protector inside that home. Ephesians 5:25,
“Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave
himself for her.” If we're to love our wives as Christ loved the church and in
Christ protected the church, He provided for the church. He built the
church, and He set guidelines to ensure its protection today. How
husbands just as well ought to do those things which are going to protect
their family!
Now, let's deal with that in a couple of areas. He ought to do what's
necessary to protect his family spiritually. As it relates to morals and values
and guidelines, things that might come into the home that would cause
them to be vulnerable, the husband needs to be thinking: What can we do
to protect ourselves from that? What can be done to protect this family from
Satan? What can protect against his forces entering into the home whether
it be through radio or TV or the movies that we see? What about dress or
immoral actions? What can he do to protect the family morally and
spiritually? He should make sure that each person in the family has
opportunities. I understand we can't make anybody, but making sure that
opportunities are made available. Every time the doors are open at Bible
study and worship, the husband ought to be the leader making sure that
they're there to protect the family as well.
And then to protect the family physically to make sure that the
environment is safe. It is where everyone can feel safe; where it's a good
environment that will foster growth and spirituality, and where people can

just grow closer together. That's the type of role and responsibility each
husband has in the home and within the family. Then let's realize this as
this the spiritual leader in the home, the husband the father has the
responsibility to be the spiritual leader to nurture and admonish everyone in
the home- children, himself, and his wife to grow spiritually.
I want you to listen to the words of Ephesians 6:1-4. The Bible says,
“Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right honor your father
and mother which is the first commandment with promise that it may be
well with you and that you may live long on the earth. And you fathers do
not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and
admonition of the Lord.”
Sometimes maybe a different wording of that might help us get the
idea of what's being said. For example, I like the way JB Phillips
paraphrase says this- and I understand it's a paraphrase- but he says this:
‘Fathers don't over correct your children or make it difficult for them to obey
the command rather bring them up with Christian teaching in Christian
Does he get the idea of discipline? No doubt, but you know
sometimes you can overdo that. Sometimes we can be so harsh that we
can't see the joy of really obeying and following God and following Christian
principles. The father has the responsibility to bring up his children in the
nurture that's the idea of care, love, affection, and the admonition. Yes
that's the idea of correction, reproof, and discipline. Both go hand-in-hand.
Love and discipline have to go hand-in-hand. It's the father's responsibility
to make sure that every person in the family is led in a direction that will
indeed help them to get to heaven and ultimately know God better.
As a good husband and a good spiritual leader, the husband is also
to be a leader by his example. Do you remember Matthew 5:16? Jesus
taught every Christian, “Let your light so shine among men that they may
see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven.” A Christian
is to be an example in every way, and surely the father, as head of home
and a spiritual leader, ought to be an example.
Now, let's make that practical. If we're going to teach or going to
nurture and admonish people, to talk like a Christian, then fathers it isn't
right for us to talk in a way that is not Christian. If we're going to encourage

people to have our minds on godly things and talk in a godly way, we need
to make sure that our minds and our speech is in a godly way. If we're
going to teach that we ought to go to Bible study and worship. We ought to
act as a Christian. We ought to be involved in good Christian works. And if
we're going to teach that the kingdom and evangelism are important in our
life and they're a priority, then as fathers, we need to be there every time
the doors are open. We need to be seen as doing the good works a
Christian ought to do, and we need to be seen as an example of
evangelism in our home and in our family.
Fathers also ought to be seen for their spiritual leadership in prayer.
The Bible says in 1 Timothy 2:8-9 that ‘Men are to be the leaders in prayer.’
They're to lead in prayer always. They ought to strive to be the type of
leader that God wants them to be a. 1 Thessalonians 5:17, “We ought to
pray without ceasing.” “The effective fervent prayer of a righteous man,” the
Scripture says, “it overcomes much.” Fathers have the responsibility to
stand up and to step up and to be leaders in prayer. Not only just to lead
the prayer but to teach their family about prayer. They need to teach the
children and the wife what God says about prayer and how to pray.
If we don't teach our children how to pray, do we just somehow
expect them to learn that? Yes, they can see from our example, but more
than that we ought to point them to the word of God.
And then as leader of the home, a final way in which the husband
ought to be seen as the spiritual leader is relating to Bible study. We
believe in Bible study as it relates to having a Bible class maybe on Sunday
night or Wednesday night. But do we really believe in Bible study in the
home? Deuteronomy 6:1-6, the Bible ought to be in every facet of our life
even in the home. If we're to study to show ourselves approved unto God
that ought to apply to the home. We ought to search the Scriptures daily
inside God's home and God's family. Fathers have to be the one to take the
initiative, to initiate those Bible studies, to encourage everyone in the family
to read their Bible, to study their Bible, and to grow in the grace and
knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in the home.
And so as the spiritual leader, every husband is encouraged step up
and be the type of man God wants you to be. Don't be a coward. Don't be
someone who's afraid to lead. Don't be spineless and think ‘well I'll just
leave that for the wife or the children to decide.’ That's your responsibility.

God put you in that position. That's why you are the head of the home.
Your family, your wife, and your children need you to do that. God
commands you to do that.
Take up that role with grace with love, caring, and every day live in
such a way that your home is protected and provided for as part of God's
What an awesome responsibility it is to live as a Christian in the
home every day! Husbands, let's be the leaders and the examples God
wants us to be so that ultimately we can have the joy of knowing our family
is prepared for the other side with God.

Study Questions for: “Godly Homes: Lesson 6”

1. According to Ephesians 5:25, how are husbands to love their wives?

2. According to 1 Corinthians 11:3, what’s the husband the head of?

3. According to 1 Peter 3:7, how is the husband to dwell with his wife?

4. How should a husband love his wife according to Ephesians 5:28-29?

5. What should be nourished and cherished as the Lord does the church
according to Ephesians 5:29?

6. What are husbands and wives heirs of according to 1 Peter 3:7?

7. What does it say about a man who won’t provide for his own in 1Timothy

8. According to Genesis 3:17-19, how was Adam to provide?

9. What does 2 Thessalonians 3:10-12 tell us about laziness?

10. What does Ephesians 6:1-4 tell us about the interaction between
fathers and their children?